*yawn!!!!*...im feeling pissed..bored...stiff...and so bad3p!...for today lng ah... khpon naman is just a fine day..

me and polin went to esem to chill.. bcoz its like 200 degrees outside!..so we went at the arcade to play dance mania! our favorite! although we're not good at it... so we anjoed the place...l8r on.. while at the reloading area..someone went near polin.. i wasnt looking at them. coz i thought polin know the person. tas sbe koh.. "ha? anoh daw?" then polin said.. "hnihngi nea number natin!.." sbe koh "number ntin oh moh?" sbe nea... "ntin..ikaw gs2 mong mgbgay?"..then i just nodded my head and grabbed polin's arm and went back to our business..then suddenly me and polin paused a while and reminisced on what just happened.. parang akoh... i wud hav given my number if the person was a lil bit more cute.. but i definitely know that he's rich...haha. but still ill never give my fone number to any strangers...

so after sm.. we went to my placed to getmy digicam and went to la cabane..isang sosyal na restaurant na pinag-mayaarian ng companya nila mommy...the place is cool and relaxing. and the great part is.. we get to order anything we want cuz my mom will be the one charged for it! ha..we didnt spend a cent in that restaurant! we ordered fraps and sandwiches! everything was so great... but still we need to get tracked of the time. coz polin need to leave before 530.. so we chilled... and enjoyed the place... then it was 530..polin left...then i head back home... feeling incomplete.. feeling SOBRANG BITIN!..haay.. sbe koh nlng...may nxt tym pa.........so inside my room was like100 degrees///.. parang akoh. shet ang init! sobra! so i opened the aircon and sat infront of it...nad chilled...reflecting on what just happened that day...i said to myself maybe im just missing people so much that's why i feel incomplete......so i lay down in my bed for hours..then somone called and to my least expectations it was jenny!!!!we chat and exchaged stories!!!....but it was like 10:30 jenny wanna go to bed.. so ok i said goodnight and hoping fot another good chat for the next morning..

so i lay down on my bed again.. pretending to be asleep.. then... i fell asleep. then l8r on i woke up.. and it was 1230.. "shit! 1230?  thought it was morning oready. so i went back on pretending to be asleep..

1:00...still pretending to be asleep

lets take a break from keanu's diary and focus on my life.

.....yesterday i just sat around watching tv.listening to some fucked up musics.hpoing sumone to call. well. atleast sumone called and invyt me to their house.well that's another story.haay. as i arrived home from mt bf's bestfriend's house. i took a bath.well.. sumone knocked on the door so hard that i was so pissed. as if the person knocking on the door is going to shit so bad the he cant wait no longer!so i hurried. then when i opened the door. i saw no one.the house was completely dark. and evryone left me alone! (those assholes!) i was so scared that i tried to call anyone as possible! as if i wanna run outside the house eventhough i was only wearing a towel. when i opened the house's door. i saw our maid chatting.. (those assholes!). then i said to them that someone  is knocking so hard! but i didnt see anyone! (shit! someone is hunting me!) so my maid accompany me inside the house while i dressed up.. then my mom called and told her the whole thing. then she just said i was just imagining!! (imagining?!?!?! i was so scared that i want to run out of the house with just a towel!?!?!does that mean imagining?!?!fuck her!) anyway. she told me that alo and someone is going to drop off some mirienda for us! (ass!) she told me that i wait for them at the gate! (why should i?) while talking on the fone. i heard someone saying  "yikee manliligaw cee alo kay mae!" yuck! if they only knew taht i already have a boyfriend! if they only knew! god!....so bcoz i hated them. i just told our maid to picked the food that alo and someone is gonna drop off!. then i was near the door. waiting for the food (why was i waiting?!).. then i heard a scooter.. driving near the gate. i said that must me the delivery boy. so i took a sneaked peek! then holy shit! i saw two black guys! one is fat!(Thats alo) and one is so thin! (thats the someone!). so they drpped of the food and i heard some laughs!//. i asked my maid wut was the two up to. she told me that the two waa laughing at me coz i was hiding from them!!! hiding?!?!!?from who am i suppose to hide?!?!i am not hiding!assholes! its just that i dont wanna see two fucked up assholes! why?! (its a long story!  alo thinks that i stil like him!(or he still likes me! wutever!)i dont like blacke men! i dnt care if hes rich or wut!i care about my own boyfriend! not anyone else!)err!. those assholes! laughing their ass out! err! i wanna kil those fucking jerks and tear ther head off and put it inside their ass!!err. so after that. my mom called again. she asked me if i let them see me!(whi should i let them see me?!?!!?)err. wut a question. i think it was a set up! they set me and alo up to meet!ewww!!!! i was pissed that i didnt ate the food! why>?? bcoz i thought it was contaminated with something! aha~!ahahah! so i just forgot wut happen.. and return to my own business.used my fone.used the computer. drank gatorade.sit around and wste my life doing nothing. its boring like hell!!! and i mean hell!

  KeAnU'S dIArY pArT 3

part3

Day 23

Hangover. Assistant tip-toeing around looking both guilty and triumphant.
My muscles are sore in very strange places. Where the hell are all my clothes?!
 How long does it take to do laundry, for God’s sake?

I am so queasy…

I refuse to puke in front of this woman.

Later:

What day is this?? It's dark out. I don't know if it's 6:00am or 6:00pm. Oh well.
 My sore muscles could use a little work. Where the hell is... oh, she's under me. Should have known.

Day 24

Director says take two more days off. Can’t have me looking like this on camera, now, can we? Asshole.

Assistant is getting pretty brave now that she’s violated every last inch of my body while I was passed out.
 Okay, maybe I was only pretending to be passed out for part of it.
 Still. It's unethical. I’d fire her but I have no housekeeper, no clothes, and can’t find my phone.

I can’t find my silverware, either. Not that I need it. All I have to do is open my mouth
like a baby bird and she’s right there. I am completely dependent upon her for food and massages.

She does give very good massages, though. Very thorough. VERY thorough. In fact, I think I need another one.

        KeAnU's  DiArY pArT tWo!

part 2

Day 12:

Am exhausted … just finished refereeing a fight between assistant and housekeeper.
Apparently both of them want my used sheets.

I considered filling the pool with mud and letting them settle it the old-fashioned way while
I put my feet up and watch, but the housekeeper’s an illegal and I don’t need the hassle.

Gave housekeeper the sheets from the house, gave assistant the sheets from the on-site trailer
and promised her she can keep some of my used bath towels as well. Her eyes glazed over. I think that’s a good thing…?

Am now sleeping on bare mattress.

Day 13:

On the bright side, assistant provides hours of fun when I am bored between takes.
I find that if I hold an empty water bottle as though I am finished with it,
she’s overcome with the compulsive desire to come take it from my hands and scuttle away
like a rat with a piece of cheese. (God knows where she’s hoarding these empty bottles.
 I’m afraid to open the cabinets over the sink in the trailer for fear of a plastic avalanche.)
But if I lift my head up and fix her with a stare, she freezes.

I can have a great game of “Come! Stay!” with her this way. Finger the bottle, she advances.
Glare and she freezes. I can make her take 20 minutes to cross a room this way.

Then, just when she’s almost close enough to get her hands on the bottle (and me, usually),
 I casually cross the room and start again. Sandra laughs and says I’m a monster.
 Well, sure I am. So? I’m sleeping on a bare mattress here! Someone has to pay.

Day 14:

Masseuse says she will not come on set unless assistant is on a leash. No idea what that’s all about.
 Will have to send assistant out to buy new socks every Tuesday, obviously.
Not a bad idea as I am now down to two pair. How…?

Later:

Fell asleep in dressing room again. Woke with mysterious hickey on inner left bicep.
Assistant looks like she should be purring.

Day 15:

While shooting a scene, we heard some kind of yowling catfight out in the hallway.
Assistant appeared shortly after, looking rumpled but triumphant.

I am afraid to even ask.

Day 16:

Masseuse flatly refuses to come onto the set now. Assistant has volunteered to take over the job.
Her eyes are burning with an unholy light. She’s obviously beyond obsessed…
which means she will rub my flesh till she drops. For free.
Life is good! Note: remember must order new sheets, socks, and towels. And a leash.

Day 17:

In order to let assistant massage my back, I took my shirt off in front of her
(stupid, stupid, what was I thinking??) And what is it about that belly scar that
turns women into flesh-licking zombies? My God, if I’d known about this when I was
fourteen I’d have carved an arrow on my stomach leading straight to my dick.

As it is I had to peel her off like a bumper sticker. Maybe I should try the rolled up newspaper
after all. Down, girl. Down. Ooo… down a little more… No, no… stop it, mustn’t tinker with the
hired help. Still. It’s nice to see such enthusiasm. I guess.

Side note: Hate this director. Asshole says I’ve taken a nap in my trailer every day this week.
I say, no, I have only taken (I pause and count the hickeys on my arms) three naps this week.
 (My assistant is a great help with record-keeping, in her own way.)

Day 18:

Thigh hickey!! How the hell did she do that? Right through the pants?

That's quite a skill, actually. Hmm...

Day 19:

Housekeeper has vanished. I suppose it doesn’t matter. I have no sheets or towels or socks
left to wash. I sleep on the couch. Assistant brings whatever I need and then takes the trash
away to stow in small plastic bags. Don’t know what she does with the stuff and don’t want to know.

Day 20:

Fight with director. I will not say “Whoa” on camera again, ever. Ever! As I’m stomping back
to my trailer he calls after me,

“Where the hell are you going? Gotta get your assistant her rabies shots?”

I turn and say, “You want me to sic her on you?” Director turns pale and shuts up. Screw him.
It’s time for my massage. She may be a psycho but by God, you give her some massage oil and
she leaves no stone unturned.

Day 21:

Nude scene today. Make-up artist is furious. Apparently I have hickeys in places I can’t
see without mirrors. Assistant watches make-up artist with very close attention.
 Make-up artist’s hands begin to shake. Assistant takes over.
My ass is now coated with enough foundation to make Joan Rivers jealous.

Day 22:

Day off. Heavy drinking. Pass out. Strange dreams. GOOD dreams.
Sticky dreams. Wake up. Assistant looks pleased with herself.
All my clothes are in the washer. Must lie around naked till they’re dry. Fine. Whatever.
Assistant brings more vodka. Assistant makes good pillow. Tired. Back to sleep

this is so hilarious! hahaha

                                       KeAnU's

   dIaRy PaRt 1

Day 1:

I’ve hired a new assistant named Bethanie.
I told her the most important virtue in an assistant is loyalty.
She assured me fervently that she would happily take a bullet for me.

I said, “Uh… actually I was talking more about
not giving out my phone number to fans.”

“Oh, right.” She said.

I think she may be a little intense, but at least she’s quiet.

Day 2:

Beginning brainstorming sessions with production crew for Lakehouse.
New assistant is with me like glue.
If I stop suddenly, she runs into me from behind, then looks dazed,
as if she can’t believe she just touched me.
It’s a little like having a cat that you keep stepping on by accident,
 except she doesn’t let out that bloodcurdling
shriek that a cat would.

Day 3:

New assistant would make great bodyguard. She’s not very big,
 but when a fan tried to rush me outside Spago’s,
my assistant clotheslined her. Fan went down like a bag of wet cement.
Of course, now I’m being sued, and assistant
has turned from twining cat to guilty dog, slinking around as if she’s
 waiting for me to take a rolled up newspaper to her.
Or she's HOPING I'll take a rolled up newspaper to her...?

I may order her to switch to decaf.

Day 4:

I think my new assistant is snorting me like cocaine. During our initial script read-through
she brought me some water
(I didn’t ask for any, but I guess she decided, after staring intensely at my lips for 20 minutes,
that I was dehydrated.)
She leaned over me with the water and I felt this tickle in my hair and you know what?
I think that was her sneaking
a sniff of my head.
A head sniffer! Bizarre.

And my coat is never where I left it because she carries it around like Linus clutching his blanket.
And my scarves keep disappearing and reappearing at odd times.

Day 5:

Okay, time to have some fun with my new assistant. I’ve worn the same socks for three days.
I’m going to leave them where she can find them. This should be fun!

Day 6:

Socks disappeared. Assistant vanished into the bathroom
and came out with her eyes watering. Heh heh heh…

Day 7:

Wow, my dressing room has never been so clean. Assistant snatches up water bottles and cigarette butts
almost before I’ve finished them. It nearly makes up for the fact that I have stepped on her so many times
I’m beginning to forget what it’s like to walk on a flat surface.

Day 8:

Fell asleep in my dressing room. Had dreams of big dog sniffing my neck and nibbling on my ears.
Woke up to find assistant nervously puttering around, looking flushed and guilty.
Am relieved to find my clothes still on.

Day 9

Incident. Must be careful  about eating in front of assistant. She was watching me eat a jelly donut
with the same breathless intensity with which she watches everything I do. I stuck my tongue into the donut
to scoop out the jelly. Her eyes rolled back in her head and she hit the floor like a safe. Her head bounced off
my chair and she now has two stitches in her forehead. Can’t help but feel a little guilty.

Day 9, Later:

Assistant may have concussion. We can’t tell. Doctor asked “Has she begun behaving erratically?”
I started laughing and just couldn’t stop. The woman would suck the buttons right off my shirt if I let her;
what constitutes “erratic” with someone like this?!

Doctor: “Are her pupils always this dilated?”
Me: “Hell, that’s nothing, I can make them open up like a camera  shutter. You got a jelly donut I can use?”